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One of the things that really sell a fight scene is the physical reactions and it’s one that many authors overlook, even if these things are just external. So, let’s do some examples with a few different sequences to show how fights can be improved with the inclusion of a few crucial details.
Example 1: John hits Grace in the face and she kicks him in the shin.
In this example, we’re going to do two characters that are friendly with each other. One of the best ways to run fights between men and women is to treat them as equals within the context of the narrative. Below, we’ll show a few different sets that include more details that will really help your fight sequence come to life.
1a:
John punched Grace in the face. Glaring at him as her jaw set, Grace snarled, “you bastard!” Pulling her leg back, she drove her foot into his shin.
The above is serviceable and one you will see in many different novels and short stories depicting violence. Though sparse, it covers all the bases by depicting an action and a reaction. Both of which are important. However, you don’t get anything more than that and while serviceable, this example isn’t what I would call “alive”. Let’s add some normal human reactions to getting hit and see how it changes.
1b:
Drawing his arm back, John drove his fist into Grace’s nose. Head flying as her eyes locked on the sky, Grace stumbled. Her left foot slid on the concrete and she braced the heel of her sneaker against the rough ground. Her hands rose to cover her nose, eyes squeezing shut. A single tear leaked down her cheek. Head coming forwards, nose throbbing, she glared at John over her fingers.
“You bastard,” Grace snarled. “What the hell did you do that for?”
“You weren’t listening!”
“Oh?” Grace said, lowering her hands. “Well, jackass, listen to this!” Grace stepped forward, left leg pulling back and struck out. Her instep slammed into John’s shin with a solid crunch. John yelped, his right leg lifting off the ground, head dropping as he leaned forwards. Seizing the back of John’s head with her fingers, she forced his skull down and rammed her knee upwards into his face.
Now, this is much better. The head moves when it’s struck due the kinetic force of the strike and because the head is knocked, the body becomes unbalanced causing the fighter to stumble if they were unprepared for the hit. The hands automatically move to protect the injured body part, in this case the nose. From the pain in the nose, the eyes shut and water causing the fighter to cry (though they don’t feel sad). The result is the fighter feels angry and, if the other person didn’t move to take them out of the fight, may strike back as Grace does here. While there are a few more things that can change here and there, there’s one big one that can be added: sound.
1c:
Drawing his arm back, John drove his fist into Grace’s nose. Head flying as her eyes locked on the sky, Grace stumbled. Her left foot slid on the concrete and she braced the heel of her sneaker against the rough ground. Her hands rose to cover her nose, eyes squeezing shut. A single tear leaked down her cheek. Head coming forwards, nose throbbing, she glared at John over her fingers.
“Boo bas-turd,” Grace snarled. “Bhat da bell did boo do bhat fer?”
John covered his mouth. “I didn’t hear that, Grace,” he said. He leaned forward, hand cupping his ear. “What did you say?”
“B’oh?” Grace said, lowering her hands. “Bell, backass, bisten do dis!” Grace stepped forward, left leg pulling back and struck out. Her instep slammed into John’s shin with a solid crunch. John yelped, his right leg lifting off the ground, head dropping as he leaned forwards. Seizing the back of John’s head with her fingers, she forced his skull down, knee ramming upwards into his face.
The decision whether or not to add a change in vocal patterns is entirely up to the writer, but it emphasizes something important (and funny) that can happen when someone gets hit in the nose (or bites their tongue). Because the nose helps govern the sound of our voices, getting hit in the nose can change what we sound like. However, the decision on whether or not to use this should depend entirely on the situation or what you’re trying to say because the character will sound a little foolish. Now, you can use this feeling of foolishness to great effect if you’re writing in First Person or Third Person Limited, but it may hurt how the audience perceives the character right out of the gate because, you know, it’s funny. It can also make the other character look like a jackass, which if you want the character of John to by sympathetic, may hurt them in the long run.
Writing Exercise: Sketch out a fight scene for yourself, much like the first example, then write down on a separate piece of paper your own experiences or what you’ve seen elsewhere about how the body reacts to getting hurt. Then, include those feelings and reactions into the descriptive aspects of the scene. See what you turn out.
All examples were written by me. If you find these helpful, I may do more. Happy Writing!
-Michi
Filed under fight scene writing example writing reference
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