No headphones. No game face. No need for any of that.
This was not about swimming fast. This was about savouring the final moments. This was about saying a stress-free goodbye.
As she waited to enter the water for the final time in a 20-year career, Ellen Keane waved up at a group of supporters furiously waving two tricolour flags. As she emerged from the water for the final time, she went straight over and straight into the arms of her boyfriend Max.
She stood for a few minutes giving a poolside interview and then disappeared from view behind a blue partition. Waiting for her on the far side was retirement.
After five Paralympic Games, a gold in Tokyo, bronze in Rio, and a heartbreaking fourth here in Paris, she was done. The flame quenched on Ireland’s Para swimming torchbearer for the past 20 years.
She did not want her favoured SB8 100m breaststroke to be her final outing. Too much pressure. Too much stress. No space to savour and say goodbye. And so she went about hitting the qualification mark for the S9 100m backstroke.
Hers was the slowest entry time of Tuesday morning's second heat, but those last few drops of competitive juice were squeezed to ensure she finished four hundredths of a second ahead of Russian Elena Kliachkina at the back of the field. A competitor right to the last touch.
“When you are a little kid, you are just excited to get in and swim and who knows what’s going to happen. That’s exactly what that swim was. That swim was more for little Ellen than anyone else,” she began.
She began making Irish teams as a kid. The first time anti-doping called to her Clontarf home, she was only 10. She was 13 at her first Paralympics.
Para swimming has given her recognition and unforgettable moments atop medal rostrums. It also gave her life confidence and a space to be at ease with her disability.
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“The age I was when I started swimming, I was really lucky to get involved when I did. I know people who are roughly the same age, maybe a little bit older or younger, who have disabilities as well and they are struggling with their self-confidence and their self-acceptance.
“I know I got that from swimming and that’s why I’m so passionate talking about inclusion, confidence, and body positivity because at the end of the day the feelings we all have are human.
“Just because we look a bit different doesn’t mean we don’t understand those human emotions. I just try to keep talking about that and repeat that message. I know I wouldn’t be as confident as I am without sport, without swimming.
“In the Paralympic world, I have found my space and I'm so able to be myself here without a care in the world. And I really hope that when I leave the sport I'm able to find somewhere I love as much as I loved this.”
She had repeatedly said on the road into Paris that she was ready to step out of this space and close this chapter. For the three years since Tokyo, she found the maintenance of her swimming existence and pool excellence mentally challenging. She watched life-long competitors and friends move on. Now it was her time to join them.
None of that, though, made her farewell morning any easier. In the call room before she stepped out onto the pool deck one final time, the tears flowed.
“Everything this morning went really slow and that’s good because I was in the moment and really taking everything in. Even coming in and doing my warm-up, putting on my racing suit, there have been moments where I just stopped and reflected on it, and as I said, I just keep crying.” Tokyo was of course her career highlight. Her one and only sub 1:20-clocking in the SB8 100m breaststroke brought Paralympic gold. Tokyo was also lonely. No family and friends present to share her delight.
Here in Paris, the devastation of her fourth-place finish last Friday was healed by the family, friends, and so many more who put their arms around the 29-year-old.
“As hard as it was coming fourth, I was getting so much love and support from everyone, that really helped me. All of my Dancing with the Stars family were on to me and it was really lovely to see the people I have outside of sport as well.”
Not that sport will be completely left behind now that the cap and goggles are put away.
“One of the last things I said to my strength and conditioning coach when I was leaving was, 'when I come back, you are going to teach me how to run properly'. That’s going to be what the next few months look like for me, trying new things, knowing what the technique is, and how to look after my body.
“I’m so grateful to sport because having a disabled body, you take for granted that we need to know how to be strong and how to make sure we don’t become more disabled because we don’t have the same strength in some areas.”
What’s certain is that nobody ever took for granted what Ellen Keane did for the disabled community.
